We all received the latest newsletter from VIVLIN recently that this website is now back online, so I thought I would continue my BLOG and would appreciate your comments just so I know somebody somewhere is reading this.

 I played ‘truant' from Church today, please don't ask me what happened as I still cannot explain what happened to me today. It all started when I noticed grey hair on my head, last night, SHOCK!!!! Horror!! I was mortified. I am too young for this, where has my life gone? I concluded it was genetic and not really a sign of old age approaching, or was it? Panic, panic, then I was calm, and then I was not. Somebody help me! What have I done with my life so far? I could not account for my days.

 I know you all are sick and tired of my moaning about my not being married, but I actually felt the TICK, TOCK of my biological clock drumming in my ears. Who would bury me when I died? Or look after me when I am sick, down etc. I went to bed numb, I could not pray. Trying to figure out IVF and donors, if you get my drift, even I knew that was a bit extreme. Does that mean I lacked faith? But why had God not answered certain prayers? I know He answers prayers and He had answered mine. I concluded that I lacked the skill to bring the answered prayer into reality.

 I woke up late because I was up late last night. I tried my best to hurriedly prepare for church. I did get ready, I left the house but I did not know where to turn, I did not want to go church as I was late, so I did not want to be rude coming in late, apart from that it was not my turn to host Children's church. I felt something telling me to go back home. I felt extremely ‘tired' my legs felt like Lead.

 My life is usually very busy filled running little errands, making appearances at people's party because "I don't want people to talk". I attend church events etc, go to work etc. Why do I feel my life has been wasted so far just because I do not have a ring or child? Is that what gives meaning to my life. To tell you the truth, I just could not face another sermon on" having faith or that my life was my hands, I just needed to speak the word"

 I went to fill out a Dr's prescription instead, was that rebellion? I don't know, somehow I just wanted some of my life back. On my way I noticed a very young pretty lady dressed in a Nigerian outfit, trying to find directions to a Sunday market. Very, unlike me, I offered her my help and asked if I could join her in her shopping, she agreed. I craved new conversations. She seemed surprised and I suspect at the back of her mind she must be thinking, ‘what does this Lady want?' She told me I was beautiful, to which I replied ‘thank you'. I thanked God for the compliment, because that was not how I felt and this was beauty queen in my eyes.

 For most of the part, we were quiet, she asked the dreaded question ‘are you married?' to which I replied ‘no, I have been hiding for too long'. We exchanged a few details like what part of Nigeria we hailed from etc, but for the most part we walked quietly. She offered to buy me shoes, I thanked her with a smile and told her that I had too many (which is the truth). As we walked back to get a bus, she took my hands and clung to me as we walked, and called me ‘Aunty', she took my telephone number and promised to call me. When I left her as she hurried back to another Aunty, I knew she had found a friend. I was grateful.

 So in my new found boldness and confidence, I walked into my local ‘Starbucks', still something I had never done before as I thought it was filled with young professionals with ‘High flying careers'. I told the coffe guy, that I did not know what to order and we both designed one for me with hazelnut syrup. Thank God I did not order cake or muffin to stuff my face with be cause just as I walked past a table on my way out I say this man sitting quietly. Don't ask where I found the courage from to ask "would you mind terribly, if I joined you?" He had the most amazing and inviting smile and he said "ok".

 I sat down, now what? What do I do? Do I have to say something? He was white and stubble on his face. I don't usually talk to white men sitting on their own. After feeling uncomfortable for a few seconds, I made excused myself to go and get a newspaper from the shop next door.

 I sat back down and started conversations with my now coffee date. It turned out he was a sound engineer from France who was visiting and was passing time before making his way to the airport before catching a flight back to France. We talked about music, the language, differences between Paris and London, work etc. We even shared a ‘comfortable silence'. I felt so refreshed, I thought of  inviting him back to my flat to so he could wait in more comfortable surroundings, but I was not quite sure if that was appropriate.

 So what do you think I did? Come visit my blog next time you visit this website to find out what actually happenedJ.